Temper tantrums are one of the unavoidable aspects of parenting young children. Even the mildest tempered kid is likely to have their fair share. I mean, they are learning so much. And experiencing so much. It’s completely understandable that they become overwhelmed and easily frustrated.
And there are as many tricks and tips out there on how to deal with temper tantrums as there are parents in the world. But one of the most amazing things about the world we live in is that it’s incredibly easy to learn about all of these different methods. We can learn from other parents across the world as easily as from those across the street.
So I thought it would be great to pull some of the different articles written on this topic together. I’ll start with some of my own thoughts, and then share what some other amazing mamas have written on the topic.
Seeing the World Through Their Eyes
It isn’t always easy to keep your cool in the middle of an epic tantrum. But if I have learned one thing since I became a parent, it’s that meeting emotion with emotion never works.
Maybe I just have a strong-willed child, and that’s fine. But if he’s mad and I get mad back, it just escalates the situation.
Instead, I force myself to take a deep breath, and I remind myself that he is reacting to being overwhelmed. Or the situation may be too much for him to process. Maybe he’s getting tired. Or he might just be testing his limits, seeing how I’ll react.
The first this I do is try to reason with him. I ask him if that’s how he’s supposed to act. And if he isn’t too worked up, that sometimes works.
If we’ve reached a full-blown tantrum, though, I try to remind him to take some deep breaths. Sometimes I tell him to count to ten. Most of the time that just really gets him going, though. And if that’s the case, I just let him work through it. Once it’s over I pick him up, give him a big hug, and remind him how much I love him.
I don’t really have a problem leaving him be for a few minutes to work through a tantrum because I think it’s extremely important for our kids to learn how to work through their emotions. I don’t necessarily think this is just a phase that he’s going through. We all get mad, it’s part of being human. But with age and experience, we learn how to deal with disappointment and overwhelm. So it’s my job as his parent to teach him how to deal with life.
But that’s my take on parenting. Let’s look at how a couple of other parents deal with their kids in similar situations.
Betty from MomBrite gives us some advice on how to avoid tantrums from happening in the first place. She gives some great tips on things to avoid and when it’s best just to let things slide because, as she says, “Sometimes you have to lose the battle to win the war.”
She then gives us some advice on keeping your cool and understanding what your kid’s going through when a tantrum does happen. Because they will. Get the whole article here!
You can find Betty over at MomBrite, as well as on Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest.
Growing a Jeweled Rose
Crystal from Growing a Jeweled Rose gives us some advice on keeping our cool and distracting them during a tantrum. She also talks about “being the calm you seek,” which I think is invaluable advice. It is completely natural for us to want to react to tantrums, but modeling the behavior you’re looking for is far more likely to work. Read her whole article here!
You can read more of Crystal’s work over at Growing a Jeweled Rose, and connect with her on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Google +.
Katie from Delightfully Frazzled offers us some amazing advice on keeping your cool once you start to notice the early signs of an impending tantrum. She also gives us some tips for distractions, giving them some love, and just leaving them alone to work through it on their own. Check out the whole article here!
Katie is the creator and writer of Delightfully Frazzled. She’s a wife, a mother of two crazy beautiful boys, a Christ-follower, a cat owner, an anime enthusiast, and an insatiable DIY-er. She’s low-key addicted to caffeine and would gladly eat pizza for the rest of her life if given the choice. You can also find Katie on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest.
Seeme and Liz
Tanya from Seeme and Liz gives us 6 straightforward tips on how to deal with tantrums. She walks us through keeping ourselves in check and understanding what is going on behind the scenes with our toddler. You can read more here!
Tanya is a former Speech-Language Pathologist turned blogger. You can find her at Seeme and Liz where she writes about child development (in particular speech and language development), learning through play, and general parenting information. Tanya also provides toy recommendations and explains how to use certain toys for skill building. You can also find Tanya on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.
Meraki Lane offers us some advice on preventing and guiding the tantrums as well as picking your battles. My favorite piece of advice that she writes about, though, is not to nag. As she points out, she hates being nagged, so why would her kid be okay with it? I think keeping some perspective when dealing with temper tantrums is key to seeing them through. Read her whole article here!
You can read more on Meraki Lane over on their website, as well as connect with them on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest.
The Professional Mom Project
Nicole from The Professional Mom Project talks to us about parenting a strong-willed child. Having a child who is naturally more strong-willed will undoubtedly make the inevitable tantrums more difficult to work through. She gives us some great advice on knowing the triggers and helping your child to work through the tantrum. Read the whole article here!
Nicole Salama is a working mom, blogger, and thyroid cancer warrior. On her blog, The Professional Mom Project, she provides an authentic look at parenting through her eyes. She writes about a variety of topics from parenting, to healthy eating, travel, and self-care. Her goal is to help all moms be real, lead less stressful lives, and be supportive of one another. You can also find Nicole on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest.
What has worked for you when dealing with temper tantrums? We would love to know in the comments!
Check out more articles like this over on my #momlife juggle page!
And if you know someone currently dealing with temper tantrums, send them this article! Something they read here is bound to resonate and help them see it through!
Awesome article and great tips. Loved it 🙂
Awesome! Thank you so much!!
Hi, thanks for these resources. It seems I’m already doing most of it, but will definitely check out the other blogs you mentioned.
Question: Isn’t hugging the child right after the tantrum kind of rewarding the behaviour though? If say, he wanted sweets but he can’t have them because it’s almost dinner and he has a fullblown tantrum, then I wouldn’t hug him directly afterward. I assume you don’t either. Maybe make that clear? Otherwise we’d be reinforcing bad behaviour, right? So what I would do is let the tantrum blow itself out (making sure he can’t hurt himself), then talk to him calmly at eye-level: validating his feelings, but telling him exactly why he can’t have what he wants. Then, only if he is calm, I’ll give him a hug and give him something to do so he can’t dwell on his negative feelings. (BTW, my 3 yo boy is autistic, not sure if he understands me, but hope my tone of voice carries the message.)
Also, I’ve heard people mimic the tantrum noises back to the child to make him laugh (before it’s a full-blown tantrum where the child can’t hear you.) This is inadvisable, I think, because making the child laugh is also a reward.
I do hug him immediately after and in no way see it as rewarding bad behavior.
Great tips. I’m not there yet with my little one but if/when it happens, I’ll sure use some of these tips.
Aww, lucky!! 😜
Great post and I love the resources you’ve linked. I have a 14 month old that is just starting to throw tantrums!
Oh no! Good luck!!